First night out solo

Man I was really scared, here's the full thread of the night when I wrote it and went out alone.
I will paste my main message from the thread here:

Man I am so fuckin' scared/excited.

I have been SO fuckin tryin to persuade my mates to come out.
It's not happening. It was my 20th birthday, on the 19th.
A few of us were supposed to go out.
Turns out we couldn't even organise a pissup in a brewery, its been like this for a while. We rarely go out anymore.

Tonight is the night. I just watched Tyler on bad emotions on YouTube. I'm scared as fuck lol. It's raining. I had a bit of a headache. I really do not feel like going out.

BUT fuck man, this is my life. I have to do it. It feels funny writing this now.
I feel like this is MAKE OR BREAK.

If I do this, I can do anything.

I have no real choice. I am going out.

I've pretty much said bye bye to a couple of my close friends. They're really fucking about with plans and I do it too. We're havin HUGE essay convos on facebook, it's funny really but its our friendship.


I'd like this to be a real post of inspiration to any who truly believe they can't go out themselves if they're in a similar situation.

My heart is pounding lol. The headache is poundin in my left temple.

I need to realise right now I'm the only person who matters and it's time to whip out the horse girl opener or something. LOL.

God this is ridiculous but scary. I'm gonna go before my m8s msg me back.

THERE IS NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT

THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE.

Anyway basically I had to commit myself and before I was about to make any excuses I knew if I watched Tyler's Bad Emotions clip I would probably realise and just be like "fuck, I've got to do it."

I love everyone at that forum, they all encouraged me to do it and were supportive.

My friend ended up phoning me as I walked on my own, ended up speaking to him and just talking about how bullshit the situation was between us. I asked an old couple the time as I was walking up to get myself out of my head.

I ended up speaking to the cute bartender girl and the guy. I spoke to the bouncers about their job and how they got it. I was amazed at how long I could keep them talking just by acting interesting "hmmm, yeah, oh right?" and just repeating what they said back to them in a different way.

I got some great reference experiences that night and got myself a job application that I have handed in, I'd love to work at a bar, get some bar skills.

Another deep thing I remember from watching that short clip from Tyler was where he said "I live in fear most of my life". He's constantly pushing himself and he constantly does things that scare the shit out of him. He doesn't let the *ITS SCARY* stop him from doing it.

Going out solo is great just to see how you are on your own without depending on others. It builds character. If you're considering it, do it.

Letting 2 close friends go

I've been having a hard time lately regarding friends and social circle.
My problem is they always seem to flake.
I'm a very lenient person and a problem with me is I sometimes allow people to walk all over me, I'm generous, I like to make peoples day and so on. I'm not completely nice, I can be a dick but it's hard for me to be a dick to people. Not even that, but just saying no. I feel bad for saying no or declining someones invitation.

I'll keep on point in this post anyway.

It's taken me years (I don't know how many exactly) to learn that:
a friend you've known for a long time is not necessarily a good or best friend.

One of them just lies constantly and I believe it all the time it's weird because you can never prove he's lying you just know it. I've nearly got in serious trouble because of him before taking some clothes back to a shop for him which he'd switched price tags on. I didn't know he did this. I should have known though.

I just wanna go out and have a drink and work on building my social skills (and with the girls). But what I considered my close or "best" friends really fuckin' hold me back.

I know there's no excuse to move forwards in life but at the same time it's true that friends are your friend because of the way you are. So when you start changing it can potentially fuck up your relationship.

I have known these two friends for over 6 years. There are parts of them I really like and really enjoy. There are also parts which annoy the fuck out of me and it's like WAKE THE FUCK UP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Friend 1. P -- Endless lies, excuses, rationalisations, stories, hyperbole. As much as I love this guy, I fucking hate him. He reacts badly if you don't do something he wants or if you disagree with him. I wouldn't carry his umbrella so he got some other fool to hold it and was like "THANKS DAVE", "YEAH THANKS DAVE" I think in an attempt to make me feel guilty.

Friend 2. J -- Angry dude, scarcity mentality (you have to step on others to get to the top), inconsiderate of others, decides based on anger, says yes when he means no.

Maybe I am guilty of some of these things myself. I like taking on responsibility because it allows me to improve myself if something is fucked up.

I genuinely wish I could like these guys and go out with them and we could all just have the best time like we have done before. I have to let them go though because I cannot progress while interacting with negative energy and scarcity mentality.

I'm on the path to success anyway and I don't know where they are going. So the lesson I learn from this is:

• Reject any of their requests to go out - decline/don't answer.
• Be nice but not inviting, be distant, don't return calls or messages.

Anyway, LESSON HOPEFULLY LEARNED.