Rob the Natural

I've known this character many months now, for a while before 2008.

Me and a friend decided to start going out to places in our town after the gym. It was great, spoke to a bunch of people and it carried on for a couple of months. Then a friend of mine from college was in the same place as us one night and I was stoked to see him because he left college before me and we hadn't seen each other in ages. Anyway he was out with this guy called Rob.

We were dancing up near the DJ and I ended up meeting Rob through my mate. At first he just seemed very friendly. We got some photos and vibed a bit.

Rob is basically the craziest person I've ever met. He really doesn't give a shit about what people think of him. Somehow he always ends up talking to the strangers around us and gets in to a conversation.

I think it's good to have him as a friend because I can learn from him and it's really interesting to see how he makes things happen, how he reacts to certain things and so on.

One time I remember he was sat with us and a group of girls were sat near us, he went to get a drink. When he came back he was dancing right next to them while they were sat down and we were looking at him laughing, the girls were loving it and he knew it but just didn't care.

Another time in the taxi he ended up coming to my house and sleeping over, I don't even usually have friends who sleep over. Somehow this guy manages to push his reality over others. I didn't even intend on letting him sleep, he was really loud and my wallpaper was slightly ripped, he ended up ripping it off. I'm like "what the fuck is this" lol. I was just trying to get to sleep but he continued trying to talk to me about his girlfriend, his confidence and my confidence. He doesn't know about "game" I don't think but he definitely has some. He talks about stuff like confidence and that on a surface level.

He's really in to fashion, looks, superficial stuff. He's annoying at times but everyone seems to be drawn to that confidence he has.

He comes round to my house on a Sunday in his car (he's like 18) asking if I want to go see any of our other mates. We end up getting some quick food from McDonalds and he'll be talking to some random stranger and be like "yeah we want large fries, etc CHEERS SUE" and just say really crazy stuff.

He said it himself, he gets away with so much stuff. It's not all fun though because when we got taxis home from going out he'd always like get me to lend him money and he would give it back but it would take ages until I got it.

He manages to go out with hardly any money and I found out another mate owes him money.

There's some pretty interesting things I learned from him:

• Do anything with enough confidence and congruence and you'll get away with it
• Don't answer every question that's asked of you aka don't give a logical answer (it's actually hard to get an answer out of him)
  
• Talk as much as possible to everyone, everywhere
• He's mostly the topic of conversation (usually because of the shit he gets up to)

I know guys that are confident, it's just the level of confidence he has baffles me.

I heard that you're the average of the 5 friends you hang out with which I think is likely very true. People have an influence on you more than you think.

Your mentality: SCARCE or ABUNDANCE?

We have ways of looking at the world.

A very useful concept I've always had in my mind was the scarcity and the abundance mindset people have. People grow up with these mindsets because that is how we are conditioned. We do not know we are doing it, just like a fish does not know it is in water.

I am no self-help guru or anything, I am a self-help junkie though and I want to say this:

I think that scarcity mentality is one of the main reasons why there's so much violence, hatred and anger in the world.

Watch TV (I noticed it a lot watching Jeremy Kyle), look at your friends, look at yourself!
Which mindset are you mostly operating from?


SCARCITY MENTALITY

• For me to be SUCCESSFUL, others must be UNSUCCESSFUL
• There is not enough to go around
• Seeks revenge
  
• General negative vibe
• Feels the need to knock others down to raise own status or self-esteem
• Feels good when bad things happen to others
• Always feels like a victim
• Complains a lot
• Seeks value, value sucking, leech
• Thinks people are out to hurt him
• The world is a dark place
• Invests too much energy in others and dependance on others it's only a matter of time before something goes wrong
• Unhealthy competitiveness
• Don't try and trick and manipulate others
• Lives in fear
• Blames others
• Jealousy
• Neediness
  
• Looks for cheats and quick fixes
• Views himself seperate from everyone else (ego. by the way I'm not saying ego is bad)
• Tries to change the world and others instead of looking in the mirror
• Holds others back
• Keeps scores - I did this for you, so you should do this for me
• Reactive
  

ABUNDANCE MENTALITY

• Realises that there's plenty to go around
  
• Generally positive
• Offers value
• Loves people
• Never sees himself as a victim nor lets others treat him like a victim
  
• Brings others up to his level
• Isn't bothered if someone reacts badly to him because there's always someone else
  
• Thinks big
  
• Values things like honesty, integrity and authenticity
• Does things the genuine way, loves the journey
• Learns from mistakes instead of indulging in what went wrong
  
• Realises he's connected to everyone and we're all part of a whole
• Makes people want to do things instead of forcing them to
  
• Helps others grow
• Proactive
  

If you want to move ahead in life and be successful then you're going to be striving for the abundance mentality if you haven't already got it.

Let's say you approach one girl in a bar, it goes well. You get her number, go out a couple of times and it's great. For whatever reason, she flakes on you. You start getting angry and investing all your energy in to her. You may logically argue with her why she owes you or why she is wrong or why she should do this or that. You might even get angry yourself and call her a bitch. Later you see her out another night and she's with another guy. You feel jealousy, you're not even with her but you feel like she's your property or something.

THIS IS WHAT THE SCARCITY MENTALITY DOES.

So what do you do? You made this girl part of your ego structure so you allow her to control how you feel depending on what she does. She gets to see the real you.

"Oh no, my world is crumbling!"

You might end up stalking her, keep phoning her, finding out what she's up to and who she's going with. It's fucking weird. Scarcity makes you want to grab everything you have and keep it all for yourself because your afraid someone will steal it. You grab it so hard that someone ends up stealing it anyway just because you were holding it so tight.

It's like the butterfly in your hand, you love it so you grab it and try to hold it so tightly it ends up dying (or escaping).


Now let's say you have the abundance mentality. You get a girls number, go out a few times, she doesn't answer the first. You're cool with it. She flakes on you, you're cool with it because there's always something else you can do. She tells you to fuck off, you accept it and move on to the next girl.

Maybe I'll be able to better define the abundance mentality when I fully feel I have it. I have work to do and I'm glad I wrote this article, it's 3 am and I am gonna sleep like a log.


Google scarcity and abundance, there's a lot of articles on it and useful information.



Thanks for reading.

First night out solo

Man I was really scared, here's the full thread of the night when I wrote it and went out alone.
I will paste my main message from the thread here:

Man I am so fuckin' scared/excited.

I have been SO fuckin tryin to persuade my mates to come out.
It's not happening. It was my 20th birthday, on the 19th.
A few of us were supposed to go out.
Turns out we couldn't even organise a pissup in a brewery, its been like this for a while. We rarely go out anymore.

Tonight is the night. I just watched Tyler on bad emotions on YouTube. I'm scared as fuck lol. It's raining. I had a bit of a headache. I really do not feel like going out.

BUT fuck man, this is my life. I have to do it. It feels funny writing this now.
I feel like this is MAKE OR BREAK.

If I do this, I can do anything.

I have no real choice. I am going out.

I've pretty much said bye bye to a couple of my close friends. They're really fucking about with plans and I do it too. We're havin HUGE essay convos on facebook, it's funny really but its our friendship.


I'd like this to be a real post of inspiration to any who truly believe they can't go out themselves if they're in a similar situation.

My heart is pounding lol. The headache is poundin in my left temple.

I need to realise right now I'm the only person who matters and it's time to whip out the horse girl opener or something. LOL.

God this is ridiculous but scary. I'm gonna go before my m8s msg me back.

THERE IS NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT

THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE.

Anyway basically I had to commit myself and before I was about to make any excuses I knew if I watched Tyler's Bad Emotions clip I would probably realise and just be like "fuck, I've got to do it."

I love everyone at that forum, they all encouraged me to do it and were supportive.

My friend ended up phoning me as I walked on my own, ended up speaking to him and just talking about how bullshit the situation was between us. I asked an old couple the time as I was walking up to get myself out of my head.

I ended up speaking to the cute bartender girl and the guy. I spoke to the bouncers about their job and how they got it. I was amazed at how long I could keep them talking just by acting interesting "hmmm, yeah, oh right?" and just repeating what they said back to them in a different way.

I got some great reference experiences that night and got myself a job application that I have handed in, I'd love to work at a bar, get some bar skills.

Another deep thing I remember from watching that short clip from Tyler was where he said "I live in fear most of my life". He's constantly pushing himself and he constantly does things that scare the shit out of him. He doesn't let the *ITS SCARY* stop him from doing it.

Going out solo is great just to see how you are on your own without depending on others. It builds character. If you're considering it, do it.

Letting 2 close friends go

I've been having a hard time lately regarding friends and social circle.
My problem is they always seem to flake.
I'm a very lenient person and a problem with me is I sometimes allow people to walk all over me, I'm generous, I like to make peoples day and so on. I'm not completely nice, I can be a dick but it's hard for me to be a dick to people. Not even that, but just saying no. I feel bad for saying no or declining someones invitation.

I'll keep on point in this post anyway.

It's taken me years (I don't know how many exactly) to learn that:
a friend you've known for a long time is not necessarily a good or best friend.

One of them just lies constantly and I believe it all the time it's weird because you can never prove he's lying you just know it. I've nearly got in serious trouble because of him before taking some clothes back to a shop for him which he'd switched price tags on. I didn't know he did this. I should have known though.

I just wanna go out and have a drink and work on building my social skills (and with the girls). But what I considered my close or "best" friends really fuckin' hold me back.

I know there's no excuse to move forwards in life but at the same time it's true that friends are your friend because of the way you are. So when you start changing it can potentially fuck up your relationship.

I have known these two friends for over 6 years. There are parts of them I really like and really enjoy. There are also parts which annoy the fuck out of me and it's like WAKE THE FUCK UP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Friend 1. P -- Endless lies, excuses, rationalisations, stories, hyperbole. As much as I love this guy, I fucking hate him. He reacts badly if you don't do something he wants or if you disagree with him. I wouldn't carry his umbrella so he got some other fool to hold it and was like "THANKS DAVE", "YEAH THANKS DAVE" I think in an attempt to make me feel guilty.

Friend 2. J -- Angry dude, scarcity mentality (you have to step on others to get to the top), inconsiderate of others, decides based on anger, says yes when he means no.

Maybe I am guilty of some of these things myself. I like taking on responsibility because it allows me to improve myself if something is fucked up.

I genuinely wish I could like these guys and go out with them and we could all just have the best time like we have done before. I have to let them go though because I cannot progress while interacting with negative energy and scarcity mentality.

I'm on the path to success anyway and I don't know where they are going. So the lesson I learn from this is:

• Reject any of their requests to go out - decline/don't answer.
• Be nice but not inviting, be distant, don't return calls or messages.

Anyway, LESSON HOPEFULLY LEARNED.

Welcome: Fresh start!

Hey, fresh new start. I have made blogs before and not kept up with them.
I think there's some value in blogging. To track progress, see how far you've come etc.
Also the fact I don't wanna keep everything on my hard drive. It's cool to have it online where
I can access and ramble from all around the world.

This is going to be stories from my life, lessons I learn, how my days go, how I think. If this is
not useful for anyone but myself, I am fine with that. I hope someone can find value in it.
I love learning about myself and being able to succeed at things.